You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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