Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
