We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
