Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
porn star boner night. come get it.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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