No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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