Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
