Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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