I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
