Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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