i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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