Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
