upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
