Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Randomize
