I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
COCAINE IS GR8
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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