I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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