singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
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