When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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