If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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