How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
