is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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