I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
