So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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