Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
