During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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