Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
