I got chris browned last night
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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