is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
