It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
