Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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