My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize