I'm lost and stupid without you.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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