Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
