People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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