Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
