i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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