just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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