Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize