so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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