Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You need Xanax blowdarts
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
