The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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