I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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