oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
