birth control should be required to get into college
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize