I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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