ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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