I am in a vortex of obligation.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
