Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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