he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
