Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
