broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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