my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The air was thick with penises
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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