cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
