He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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