did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
