Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
zippers are such a cool invention
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize