I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
