this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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