i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
