I am in a vortex of obligation.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Did I show you my penis last night?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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