I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize