4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
