If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
