My room smells like vodka and shame
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
