So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
