this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
