Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
