she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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