hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
