Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
