Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
