Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
