her vagine was all disorganized.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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