i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
