Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
