Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
