RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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