and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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