apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
