I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
