FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Randomize
