I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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