I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
