I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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