All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
