Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
