I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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