Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
