All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
