i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
