I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
