Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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